Freshly Depressed

29 Apr

Why are the Freshly Pressed blogs so unappealing?  When I arrive at the wordpress.com homepage, I am bombarded with dull photos of flowers, bread, and sunsets. I don’t give a shit about any of it. Who picks these articles? Dull and Duller?  They certainly don’t put the Press in Impress.  I think they pressed B for Boring.  They should have pressed D for Delete.  I end up pressing ESC.

I told one of my friends to get a WordPress account and she told me WordPress was for senior citizens.  She might be right.

I couldn’t care less about being Freshly Pressed myself. I would almost be insulted if I did.  Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed, you’re officially one of the most bland and uninteresting bloggers on the World Wide Web.  Luckily, my excessive use of the word fuck has killed any possibility of that happening.  If I want to say fuck, I will.  Fuck this, Fuck that, Fuck me, Fuck you Freshly Pressed. Maybe you should appeal to a wider demographic than traveling gnomes and ancient gardeners.

The best of 487,296 bloggers?  Who do they think they are kidding? I’d rather spend my time on a stamp collection. Heck, I’d rather read braille made of rat droppings than waste a single second of my life reading about your lame ass trip to Wisconsin, where you watched clouds with your lame ass family. Seriously, you photographed a road sign.  That must have taken an incredible amount of skill and bravery.

Welcome to Boringville. Population: Freshly Pressed.

I’m not trying to be a bitch. That comes naturally.  But I’m sure I can’t be the only person who feels this way.  Hopefully WordPress doesn’t press D on my account.

20 Responses to “Freshly Depressed”

  1. theforgottenwife April 29, 2012 at 9:30 am #

    It is amazing how boring those Freshly Pressed blogs are. Something “inspirational” – if you want to be an old cat lady! LOL Keep on keepin’ on, girl! We like you, swear words and all!

    • TBT April 29, 2012 at 11:19 am #

      Cat ladies! That’s a perfect description of the freshly pressed demographic. Honestly, they can keep some posts like “The flowers I saw on my way to work today”, but they should broaden their horizons and add some posts a bit more “fresh”.

  2. jeb610 April 29, 2012 at 10:57 am #

    So here I sit after reading your post, reconsidering whether to put up my pictures of dairy cows I saw driiving through Indiana…fuck that…cows are the new “edgy” (Great post)

    • TBT April 29, 2012 at 11:13 am #

      Personally I love cows. I just drank a big glass of milk to prove it. Gotta keep those cows in business. You should definitely advertise them. ;-)

  3. fulltimegangsta April 29, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    I couldn’t agree more. Fuck that shit, I’ll fucking swear and talk about anal sex as much as I want and wordpress farts can get fucked.

    • TBT May 1, 2012 at 5:30 pm #

      Glad you agree!

  4. thelifeofjamie April 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm #

    They do come out with some good…you are looking at a freshly pressed blogger right here! :). But yes, overall, I don’t care how to make rosemary olive loaf, I just want to laugh!

    • TBT April 29, 2012 at 7:34 pm #

      Obviously, you are the exception. lol and I won’t lie, I’ve read a couple others that were good, but in general, they are lacking.

  5. thelifeofjamie April 29, 2012 at 6:35 pm #

    And is that you flipping the bird in these pictures? Because if no, you’re disgustingly hot!

    • thelifeofjamie April 29, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

      *if so…

    • TBT April 29, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

      I wish, I think its heidi klum! Lol i haven’t posted any pics of myself. But that’s going to change as of tomorrow. So you can tell me how disgustingly hot I am then.

  6. takingcandyfromababy April 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm #

    You are my go -to blog when I need to laugh..and once again, you are exceeding my expectations. You have a way with fucking words.

    • Bryan April 30, 2012 at 9:45 am #

      I agree. The exception would be the humor blogs. The ones that get pressed seem to be pretty good, but humor blogs rarely get pressed. All that other shit is a fucking snoozefest.

      • TBT April 30, 2012 at 10:40 am #

        It’s true, the humor blogs seem to get ignored. And you would think most people would rather read a blog and laugh than read about the growth of pea plant. But apparently, that just isn’t the case.

      • takingcandyfromababy April 30, 2012 at 4:48 pm #

        Amen.

    • TBT April 30, 2012 at 10:36 am #

      That’s what I love to hear! :)

  7. patrickandersonjr April 30, 2012 at 4:09 pm #

    Totally agree on two fronts: they are boring, and I don’t give a shit if I ever make it up there. Matter of fact, if I do I’m probably doing something wrong. Love the blog btw.

    • TBT May 1, 2012 at 5:31 pm #

      That’s how I feel! I’m glad you stopped by, I liked your page as well.

  8. hunting for bliss May 3, 2012 at 12:19 pm #

    WORD! Somebody had to say it! I do see frshly pressed blogs that I like, sometimes, but seriously…the cliche sunset or traveling pictures are usually pixelated and some of the them are so poorly written. But I’m probably just bitter that I’ve never been chosen.

    • TBT May 3, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

      I agree that there is the rare occasion I stumble across a good one. But they key word is rare! Thanks for checking out my blog, btw!

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