One of the searches I mentioned in my last post was for signs you’re incredibly boring. Well, why not give the people what they want?
1. The fact that you are searching for signs and symptoms of being a boring blob should raise a red flag.
2. If you take a quiz entitled Do you have a Boring Personality? then you are a monotonous loser. It should be insulting enough to your ego to even click on that link.
3. If you have less than 20 contacts in your phone, you are probably a lame ass. If your incoming call list only consists of calls from your parents and therapist, I pity your soul.
4. If the few friends you do have eat Captain Crunch cereal in your presence just to drown out the sound of your vapid story, you are one boring son of a dick.
5. If you consider spooning to be a sexual activity then you are boring, and kind of a prude.
6. If your last Facebook status was “reading my facebook newsfeed” you are ten kinds of boring.
7. If your idea of a party is a box of wine and a Dr. Phil marathon then you need to change your life. And by changing your life, I mean getting one would be a good place to start.
8. If nobody has ever talked shit about you then you are just too damn boring to talk about. And trust me, people can manipulate any story into front page news of the Daily Trash Tribune.
9. If you are speaking to someone and they continually answer with ‘uh-huh’, ‘true’, ‘okay’, ‘what? I’m sorry I must have dozed off’, then you are most likely killing them silently with your duller than dull attempt at conversation.
10. If most of your clothes look very much alike then your style is blander than a head of lettuce. Seriously, I’ve breathed oxygen that had more taste.
11. If you read this for a reason other than entertainment value, like say, to see if you are actually boring, well then, you are about as boring and useless as a silent movie at a blind convention.
Never be bored and you’ll never be boring. -Eleanor Roosevelt.