How to mind your own boring business. Part One.

27 Feb

I think we have all heard the advice  “write about what you know.”  Well, I’d like to know why the advice “talk about what you know” never caught on.

We are all guilty of irresistibly sticking our noses where they don’t belong.  As human beings it is only natural for us to be curious about what others are doing.  But most of us manage to not make a habit out of it.

Other people, however, have nothing better to do than contribute to the spread of biased and inaccurate information.  In simple terms,  they like DRAMA. And some people seem to thrive on it.

So I’m going to be direct:

I’m sorry to hear that your life is so mundane that you have to meddle in mine. I really am.

Ha! Actually, no, I’m not. That’s your own fault.

It must be hard to be nothing but a walking vagina without a wisp of an original thought happening upstairs. You should probably get a boob job.  Maybe the attention will help raise your self-esteem.  Although, it shouldn’t. Because they are only interested in your sexual objectification.  You are still as uninteresting as you were yesterday; and a little less annoying than you will be tomorrow.  But at least what you lack in mental capacity you can make up for in cleavage.

There is more silver lining.  You can finally prove me wrong when I said it would be utterly impossible for you to become any more fake. Bravo! You’ve defied the laws of superficiality.

So, I have taken the liberty of noting a few simple steps to start you on your recovery of gossip whoring.

Stop Facebook stalking.
– Facebook is, without a doubt, an abundant source of information and a stealthy way to sneak a peek into people’s private lives. But some people turn it into the Never Ending Story. They stare at Facebook for hours on end just waiting to spread negativity. They hope to catch a glimpse of embarrassing photos soon to be untagged. They wish to read slandering statuses aimed towards their peers. They laugh at the facebook user whose relationship status just changed to single. Then they send out gossip alerts to all their friends. If you’re not involved, stay out of it. And If you’re going to be responsible for passing along crude information at least be sure you have your facts straight; which you don’t, because the fact is, it is none of your business.

If it was your business you wouldn’t be putting the information on blast.

Stop talking about people you don’t know.
-You don’t even know their name. Clearly, you have no association with this person, and unless they plan to pass a new anti-internet-stalking bill, their actions do not affect your life. After all, you would have to have a life for it to be affected.  Not to mention, if you don’t know the person, it is probably old news; you are rehashing the past that the gossip victim would just like to move on from.

Don’t add people on facebook you don’t know, either.  A friend of mine does not make them a friend of yours.  It makes you a stalker.

People do weird things.
This is a major one. Once you learn to accept this you will find that what was once so juicy is not all that uncommon.  In fact, I’m sure you can think of at least one time when you negatively viewed someone because of something they did, only to remember that you once did something very similar.  The point is, if you spread these types of stories it’s bound to cause unjust judgement on those involved. Your distorted and limited knowledge of the subject makes you reek of elementary drama. People have all kinds of reasons for their actions, albeit some crazier than others.  But no matter how moronic, jaw-dropping, or tragic it is, it is still not your business. Let people live their lives.

You should probably search for a career in reality tv, because that’s as close to a real life as you’re going to get.

Do me a favor and don’t open your mouth unless you’re shoveling your feelings into it.

facebook stalking

Facebook or Stalkbook?

To be Continued…

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6 Responses to “How to mind your own boring business. Part One.”

  1. Smaktakula February 28, 2012 at 12:46 am #

    Although it’s been practiced throughout the ages, talking out of one’s ass has reached its creative pinnacle in our times.

  2. youarenotlostyouarehere February 28, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

    OH MY GOD this post almost infuriates me – it’s so good and oh SO true! There is one person that stands out like a sore thumb, ticking every box here. Don’t drop your bag and sit down in the room and spill every single boring detail about your dull day. I don’t want to hear it, and no I do not think you’re super cool. You are not above everyone else, you stupid nonse. Get back in your box. Genuinely quite tempted to “anonymously” shove your amazing blog post in her face.
    Thank you for your comment – I hope to hear about your favourite song soon haha!

    • TBT February 28, 2012 at 6:25 pm #

      🙂 Feel free to share it with her! Maybe she will take the hint!

  3. SzaboInSlowMo February 28, 2012 at 9:35 pm #

    Haha, this could fit several people I know. I can’t wait for Part 2!

  4. forbehindtheseeyes April 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm #

    I wish I could share this exact post to a few select people I know. My own blood relatives. Ex’s and more. Great post. If I were to post something like this my blog would get attacked!

    • TBT April 23, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

      LOL! That’s why I’ve kept it anonymous thus far…. but I think that’s about to change!

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