Alexander Graham Bell, this is your fault.

5 Apr

It dates back to the prehistoric times of the Caveman.  The males approach to women doesn’t seem to have changed that much.  The caveman knew how to sweep a woman off her feet — beat her over the head until she falls flat on her back.

I know that men were put on this earth to create chaos in a womans mind.  I don’t understand it, but I’ve come to accept it — only because I have to.  We’re lucky if they change their underwear let-alone change their strategies of attracting women.  Here we are in the year 2012, and men still believe the best way to get a lady back to his cave is by messing with her head.  The only thing that’s changed is that now women beat their own heads against the wall.

Like men weren’t confusing enough, Mr. Alexander Graham Bell had to go and put hot sauce on a jalapeno and invent the telephone.  Which leads me to the topic of my post and the burning question, will he call?

This should be a very simple question to answer.  If he says he will call, then yes, he will.  But that wouldn’t get us to beat our heads against the wall, now would it? So, they’ve made it into an impossible guessing game because every case is different.

Classmate Example A:

Run into classmate at a bar:

“Hey, can I have your number? We should catch a movie tomorrow night.”

“Sure, that sounds great.”

He doesn’t call.  I bet he was really tired from staying out late last night.

I see him again in class and he continues to talk to me, but for embarrassments sake I do not ask why he bailed the other night. After all, it wasn’t set in stone and I don’t want to seem like a clinger. and then:

“What are you doing later tonight? Lets get together, I’ll hit you up.”

“Okay, I’m down.”

Is my phone on silent? I bet his phone ran out of battery.  Is my phone out of battery? He’s said he would be home, he should have a charger.  Maybe he isn’t getting service.  Am I getting service? I don’t even know if I like him. Why am I so worried about his call? I just don’t understand why he would initiate hanging out with me only to leave me hanging…alone. Just shut up. I need to just shut up.

The next time I’m walking out to my car, staring at the ground in a daze, only to look up and see him in his car waiting to talk to me.

“Hey, what class did you have today?  What are you doing later? We should go to the beach or something.”

“Yeah, just let me know.”

Oh, no. I feel it. My brain is going into over-drive-over-analyze mode again.

I don’t think our phones can connect for some reason.  I bet he found some other girl to go to the beach with. Why is he doing this to me? Do I deserve this? I bet this is karma for all those fake numbers I gave out. FML. Why does he act like he’s interested and then pretend to do something about it?  I knew I shouldn’t have worn these jeans today.  They make my ass look huge. What a fucking dickbrick.  I hope he knows how to use his dick better than he knows how to use a phone.   Fuck you and fuck Alexander Graham Bell.

That’s where Classmate Example A ends for now.

Let’s continue.

Random guy at a bar Example B:

Run into a friend at a bar who introduces me to Example B.  We hit it off and have a great time.  The night ends around 4 AM with a drunken, short, good night kiss.

“Can I get your number?”

“DLFKAJS;LF yes alajdfas;lij”

I know I said yes, but like I said– 4 AM – BAR– I’m lucky I remember the little that I do.  Besides, that fuckers never going to call.

Next day:

“I wanted to know if you’d like to come watch a movie at my house tonight?”


Well, the movie, ahem, went well. We share another kiss goodbye and I leave.

Why didn’t he mention calling me again? I am so stupid.  I have no self control. He doesn’t want to buy the cow. Fucking bastard motherfucker.

Next morning text:

“Good morning, How are you?”

Texts me all day. WTF. The guy who never mentions calling is the one who calls. The one who goes out of his way to say he will call me is the one who doesn’t.

That just goes to show you how fucked up the male psyche is.

I really need end this post because I think my head is bleeding.

No, I can’t hear you now. But Call me, maybe?

This song is so catchy.

12 Responses to “Alexander Graham Bell, this is your fault.”

  1. Cdn Stormlover April 6, 2012 at 7:08 am #

    Awesome blog post! I’m sure most (if not all) women can relate to this one. Kudos to you 🙂

    • TBT May 1, 2012 at 5:58 pm #

      I try to make my posts easy to relate to while still hitting my main points. But guy problems always seem to be the same, so this one was easy!

  2. yellowcat April 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm #

    I knew a guy like Example A. He made plans with everyone and in the end he just got drunk at home and passed out. The asking and getting accepted made him feel special, yet everyone thought he was an enormous douchebag for never following through with any plan. Next time tell him no. He’ll call.

    • TBT April 6, 2012 at 9:44 pm #

      It really is just annoying. At this point, I don’t even want him to call.

  3. marshah16 April 11, 2012 at 11:20 pm #

    Awesome blog. You speak the truth, girl, keep preaching!

    • TBT May 1, 2012 at 5:56 pm #

      I’m all about the truth, no matter how bitchy it may be. I’ll def check out your blog.

  4. kelli April 17, 2012 at 12:44 am #

    Yes. hilarious and true and then even more hilarious.

    • TBT May 1, 2012 at 5:55 pm #

      Thanks for reading!

  5. K April 20, 2012 at 9:39 pm #

    Whoa, you got everything spot on! Thank you for being the one to say what everyone else thinks!

  6. forbehindtheseeyes April 23, 2012 at 2:16 pm #

    I just have to say, Great Post! Men. I will soon post what I have been through with them. Can’t live with them, can’t live without them, and sure can’t shoot em! ( O I wish sometimes ).

    • TBT April 23, 2012 at 3:38 pm #

      I’m glad you liked it! I look forward to reading yours! And it’s true! We really can’t live without them!

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