You’re so Vain: Egoism Explained.

9 May

“I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn’t come to rescue cunty lunatics.”                 – Tucker Max

Dealing with self-absorbed, pompous, unrelenting narcissists is exhausting. They think everything is about them.  The Sun rises and sets on their accord.  It doesn’t matter how hard you try, they won’t go away.  They’re like Herpes — uninvited and impossible to get rid of.  It doesn’t help that they come in all different forms.

The Blind Braggart:

These Narcissists honestly think the world of themselves.  They love to post self  portraits to any and all social medias, to bless the world with their self proclaimed beauty.    If they are not complimenting themselves, they are shamelessly trying to get you to do so.  They look in the mirror and they see the face of an angel.  We look at them and see what can only be described as a cross between Big Bird and a warthog.  The red lipstick you cake on in your homemade modeling photo’s only alludes to your resemblance of a rabid vampire bat. Stop wasting your time on foundation, eye liner, mascara, and blush.  Use the paper bag you brought them home in.

The Plagued Prima Donna 

The whole world has conspired against this egomaniac, or so they say.  They should like invent some kind of invention to like stop it from raining ever again because then I can fry my hair straight like everyday and I’ll be totally awesome everyday because it’s just so hard being me. These are the dumbest and most annoying kind. They try to hide their insecurity with their overbearing sense of self-entitlement.   Their attempts at gaining sympathy are laughable.  If your life sucks, it’s probably because you suck.  And let’s face it, most of the guys in your town know that you do.  Like the only reason anybody even pretends she’s funny is because Miss WordPress is sleeping with all of the judges.  Make yourself useful, and go suck a dick.

The Evil Egotist:

Possibly the worst of the Narcissistic family, the Evil Egotist chooses to gain self-esteem by bringing others down.  They flaunt their assets hoping to induce envy, when in reality, they are the envious ones.   But they assure themselves anything you can do, they can do better.   They expect everyone to cater to their feelings while showing total disregard for others.  The Evil Egotist is a greedy person willing to do anything to have the upperhand. They would take a cardboard box from a bum.   They would steal the condoms from a prostitute.  They would trample a 3 year old to catch one more glimpse of their reflection in a passing car.  While all the while never realizing that they sing like an angry camel and have a chin like a pelican.

My thoughts and prayers are with you if you find yourself  forced to associate with someone like this.  And if you think this is about you, you probably fall into one of these categories — most likely all 3.

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4 Responses to “You’re so Vain: Egoism Explained.”

  1. Cdn Stormlover May 9, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

    Nice! Very well said!

    • TBT May 10, 2012 at 7:11 am #

      Thank yaaa! 🙂

  2. Adriana Sutherland May 13, 2012 at 1:22 pm #

    Hahahhaha I love this one !!!!

    • TBT May 13, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

      Commenting on my wordpress blog! That’s fancy and I like it.

      I’m glad you love it since I have no inspiration and pull this shit out of thin air!

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