Follow the Yellow Bitch Road.

21 Jul

As my stats number increases I often wonder how these people stumbled upon my lonely, little blog out of the infinite sites available to them on the World Wide Web. Who are they and what are they like?  I had a feeling I might appeal to the annoyed, the sarcastic, and obviously the bitchy.

As luck would have it, WordPress just so happens to reveal what some of these viewers typed into a search engine that ultimately lead them to my page.  Some were my target audience,  sadly the most rare. Other search topics just made me laugh.  And then there are simply the ones that made me want to give up on writing altogether.

Let me elaborate.  The following queries, I shit you not, are what people are actually searching for (spelling and all).  And they landed on my page!  Clearly, I have a problem and it’s my writing.

The Expected

-bitchtastic Bitches

Possibly they have been to my page before?

-how to get rid of an annoying bitch

Easy one, write a blog post about her.

-truthful bitchy rants

Right on.

-tired of stupid people at work.

Ditto.

-I’m a good enough person to forgive you, but not stupid enough to trust you.

I like you.

-I bitch therefore I am

I like you even more.

Hahahaha. 

-You know you suck when even your mom unfriends you on facebook.

-loving my work status for facebook

Pathetic.

-signs your incredibly boring

If you’re bored enough to search for the signs then you are a fucking Boron. A Boring Moron.

-your spouse sucking the life out of you

-Life sucks when you have a good heart.

-life sucks without sex

-whats wrong with the world

-fuck is also important in our life.

Fuck yeah.

 

WTF?

-i wonder what normal people think about

I wonder why there aren’t more normal people reading my blog.

-when live sucks jump

WTF? I have never been an advocate of suicide.  Annoying people should not kill themselves. They just shouldn’t breed.

-big boobs ugly face

I need something funny, but insulting for the insecure girls stalking on facebook

-Red traffic light hooker

facebook stalking… i wish you would update more

-real boob

 

WTF? ON CRACK

-Open your mouth a purse falls out

WTF does that even mean? Eat a sandwich like a normal person.

-Wife thinks im a idiot for going bald

I don’t recall ever doing a post on hair restoration or how it may affect your brain function.  Perhaps your wife thought you were an idiot all along.

 

There is more but I think you get the idea.   Anyway, no matter how you found your way here I am glad you made it.

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6 Responses to “Follow the Yellow Bitch Road.”

  1. Liz(a) July 21, 2012 at 4:39 pm #

    Wow. I’ve considered finding a plugin to use on my self-hosted WordPress blog to track searches… Maybe I should? 😛 I wonder what my blogs would come up with traffic’s-search-wise.

    • TBT July 23, 2012 at 9:02 am #

      It’s a nifty little gadget to have!

  2. Justin Barlow (@justinbarlow) July 21, 2012 at 9:03 pm #

    Every time I see one of these posts, I think “Hey, I should do one of these, because they’re funny as hell!”

    Yeah, no. I don’t seem to have almost any weird people searching for my blog, because most of my search term results are easy to pick out what post it goes to, or not-all-that-weird-stuff that I mention as a regular theme, like having a beard.

    Don’t suppose you have any tips for getting weird blog search terms? =P

    • TBT July 23, 2012 at 9:05 am #

      I guess I just write about weird stuff! It takes a weirdo to find a weirdo! haha or something like that!

  3. potentially crap blogger July 22, 2012 at 2:14 pm #

    I’m glad I just stumbled across this. Might try it myself.

    • TBT July 23, 2012 at 9:05 am #

      Glad you liked it!

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