When it comes to men, I’ve always said that I don’t have a type. I’ve dated guys of various stature and status; From a plumber to a drummer.
Here to find out, I do have a type. Apparently, my type is felons.
You read that right. Although, I never knew any of these sweet talkers had a rap sheet until it was too late. From thieves, to batterers, to drug dealers. I have impeccable taste.
One of my past posts I mentioned a guy named Johnny. He’s one that called me an asshole. Well, we had still kept in contact through drunken texts but nothing materialized.
I hadn’t heard from him in about 6 months when he decides to text me. A normal greeting might be “Hey, whats up?” or “Long time, no talk”. But my life isn’t normal, so instead I get a text that says “I just got out of prison”.
What is the proper response to that? A congratulations and a get out of jail free card? Here, have a freedom balloon.
My first thought was he was definitely someones bitch with those blue eyes and blonde hair and I should ask him about it. But, society has taught me, it is rude to bring up rape too early in a conversation. So, I just replied that I didn’t even know he was in prison.
He says he is now only under house arrest. Hmmm, I’m going to need that freedom balloon back.
Obviously, I was turned off. Less obvious, I was like WTF? How many times do I have to pick the bad boy without even knowing he was a bad boy? I don’t have daddy issues. Why do I have such terrible taste in men? I am a magnet for trouble makers. Which is probably why I have stayed single lately. Anyway, I still have hope I will find some one. Someone who is religious, yet still appreciates a good horror movie, a great party, and amazing sex. That kind of person totally exists. So, anyone else who is having these same problems, keep your head up, your lover is coming.