Tag Archives: games

A glass of wine helps the medicine go down

5 Aug

I’m not great at dismissing suitors.  Giving the “we are better off as friends” speech is like sniffing a petting zoo floor. Thus, I’ve found thousands of alternatives to giving the guy the boot.  My favorite being ignoring his every attempt to contact me. That is about as clear cut as an answer can be.  I’m not playing “hard to get”.  I’m playing “getting is no longer an option.”

So, I’ve always considered myself to be pretty straightforward when it comes to relationships.  But who’s to say what constitutes as playing games?

Well, here’s the back story.

Recently, I went on a date with a new guy.  Things went well and he suggested we go out again the very next day.  I agreed.  The second date involved a couple drinks.  He was already calling me pet names.  We even went to my best friend Bakers house, where he proceeded to do magic tricks.  I was not impressed.  I don’t care if you know what card I picked. Unless you can make problems disappear, you can keep your cape in the closet and the wand in your pants. But, at the end of the night I had a sweet buzz. We talked about going to see a movie the following day. When I woke up I was feeling less than enthusiastic.  Not because I didn’t like him, but because hangovers tend to have that effect.  He had sent me a good morning text and I responded. I had a missed call from him later that day when I was trying to nap off my headache.   I checked my phone again and he sent a text asking if we should reschedule.  I told him that would be best and I hoped it wasn’t a problem.  I honestly was relieved because I felt 3 dates in 3 days was a bit much, yet I still felt a twinge of guilt as if I was bailing on him last minute.  He came by my work the following day to see how I was feeling. In his defense he really was in the neighborhood. He has made it abundantly clear that he likes me.  In fact, to describe him as eager would be an understatement.  Midweek he invites me to dinner on Friday night.

Friday night he bails and reschedules for Saturday night.  Saturday night he bails because he is working late.  Excuse me.  Last weekend you were obsessed with me.  I rescheduled one date, for sound reasons.

I’m 27 minutes sober and extremely irritable.

What the hell? Why aren’t you obsessed with me this weekend? Does he think he is giving me a taste of my own medicine? Because, believe this, he is medicating the wrong person.  If he wants to play hospital, I hope he knows how to operate.

And to make matters worse, I find him much more appealing now that he isn’t treating me like the queen that I am.

Shit, I think I just got doctored.  Does any one else keep wine in their medicine cabinet?

Alexander Graham Bell, this is your fault.

5 Apr

It dates back to the prehistoric times of the Caveman.  The males approach to women doesn’t seem to have changed that much.  The caveman knew how to sweep a woman off her feet — beat her over the head until she falls flat on her back.

I know that men were put on this earth to create chaos in a womans mind.  I don’t understand it, but I’ve come to accept it — only because I have to.  We’re lucky if they change their underwear let-alone change their strategies of attracting women.  Here we are in the year 2012, and men still believe the best way to get a lady back to his cave is by messing with her head.  The only thing that’s changed is that now women beat their own heads against the wall.

Like men weren’t confusing enough, Mr. Alexander Graham Bell had to go and put hot sauce on a jalapeno and invent the telephone.  Which leads me to the topic of my post and the burning question, will he call?

This should be a very simple question to answer.  If he says he will call, then yes, he will.  But that wouldn’t get us to beat our heads against the wall, now would it? So, they’ve made it into an impossible guessing game because every case is different.

Classmate Example A:

Run into classmate at a bar:

“Hey, can I have your number? We should catch a movie tomorrow night.”

“Sure, that sounds great.”

He doesn’t call.  I bet he was really tired from staying out late last night.

I see him again in class and he continues to talk to me, but for embarrassments sake I do not ask why he bailed the other night. After all, it wasn’t set in stone and I don’t want to seem like a clinger. and then:

“What are you doing later tonight? Lets get together, I’ll hit you up.”

“Okay, I’m down.”

Is my phone on silent? I bet his phone ran out of battery.  Is my phone out of battery? He’s said he would be home, he should have a charger.  Maybe he isn’t getting service.  Am I getting service? I don’t even know if I like him. Why am I so worried about his call? I just don’t understand why he would initiate hanging out with me only to leave me hanging…alone. Just shut up. I need to just shut up.

The next time I’m walking out to my car, staring at the ground in a daze, only to look up and see him in his car waiting to talk to me.

“Hey, what class did you have today?  What are you doing later? We should go to the beach or something.”

“Yeah, just let me know.”

Oh, no. I feel it. My brain is going into over-drive-over-analyze mode again.

I don’t think our phones can connect for some reason.  I bet he found some other girl to go to the beach with. Why is he doing this to me? Do I deserve this? I bet this is karma for all those fake numbers I gave out. FML. Why does he act like he’s interested and then pretend to do something about it?  I knew I shouldn’t have worn these jeans today.  They make my ass look huge. What a fucking dickbrick.  I hope he knows how to use his dick better than he knows how to use a phone.   Fuck you and fuck Alexander Graham Bell.

That’s where Classmate Example A ends for now.

Let’s continue.

Random guy at a bar Example B:

Run into a friend at a bar who introduces me to Example B.  We hit it off and have a great time.  The night ends around 4 AM with a drunken, short, good night kiss.

“Can I get your number?”

“DLFKAJS;LF yes alajdfas;lij”

I know I said yes, but like I said– 4 AM – BAR– I’m lucky I remember the little that I do.  Besides, that fuckers never going to call.

Next day:

“I wanted to know if you’d like to come watch a movie at my house tonight?”

“Yes.”

Well, the movie, ahem, went well. We share another kiss goodbye and I leave.

Why didn’t he mention calling me again? I am so stupid.  I have no self control. He doesn’t want to buy the cow. Fucking bastard motherfucker.

Next morning text:

“Good morning, How are you?”

Texts me all day. WTF. The guy who never mentions calling is the one who calls. The one who goes out of his way to say he will call me is the one who doesn’t.

That just goes to show you how fucked up the male psyche is.

I really need end this post because I think my head is bleeding.

No, I can’t hear you now. But Call me, maybe?

This song is so catchy.