Tag Archives: problems

Beat or Cheat? The first Mistake

19 Jul

Disclaimer:  This post is written with the sole intent of entertainment.  If you actually rely on a strangers advice, who doesn’t know your relationship from a jack rabbits asshole to fix your problems, you are more than likely an idiot.  You deserve to be dumped.  I’m surprised anyone committed to you in the first place. You will probably die alone.  If your lover has already cheated on you, I’m pretty sure it’s your fault. My best advice to you is to hit the gym and buy a low cut top.

I’ve recently been thinking about what makes a man want to cheat. More specifically, why men cheat when they have what seems to be a very desirable woman at home.  This woman is physically attractive, smart, ambitious and basically the epitome of what the less fortunate females of the world, wish they could be.  These men that choose to risk their relationships are either dead set on self-destruction, or maybe, just maybe, men and women have different views of what perfection is.  Surprise! No one saw that completely obvious answer coming.

This day and age the existence of successful and powerful women is widely accepted, and even sometimes expected. Men aren’t necessarily looking for the next June Cleaver or a hot version of Martha Stewart.

Some men are just born players. They learned in middle school that they were adored by the female population. But for others, there are definite preventative measures you can take.

After doing some hot and heavy research, most men had the same excuse.  They aren’t getting the sex they want at home.  If you want to keep your man, you have to sleep with your man.  These morally confused men find themselves at a fork in the road, he can either choke the chicken to their favorite porn, or he can find a hot girl who has the same destination he does, Pleasure Town, USA. So… will your man beat or cheat?

It seems more and more are following the yellow brick road all the way to the wizard of sex they find in the Bar of Oz. Cheating.  Another thing I found is that good sex reflects a good relationship, and vice versa.  Sexing up your routine shouldn’t be viewed as perverted or desperate, but as a natural connection between two people who love each other. I’m no expert, on anything really. But I think I make a valid argument, that many cheaters would agree with.  I started this post with my finger pointing at men, but women also cheat.  And I believe it’s for some of the same reasons.

The first reason I want to bang upon, is sex. Boring sex is a symptom of a dying relationship. Resuscitate your relationship by giving your S.O. mouth to mouth, mouth to genitals, mouth to whatever creepy fetish you might be into.   If your S.O. loves you, they will give it a shot, or maybe you’re just not a match.  Or maybe you’re just into some really sick shit and need to keep it between you and your online circle jerk.

If you’re not asking your lover to dress up as an alligator, while crawling around at the mall on a leash, your chances are good.

First things first.  Good sex takes communication.  Unless you’re dating a mentalist, your lover won’t be able to read your mind.  Tell them what you want.  I know, I know.  It sounds crazy.  But most people that care about you will be quite receptive.  Take the chance.

Communication goes both ways.  Be open.  Just because you’ve opened your legs doesn’t mean you’ve opened your mind. You may end up liking something you never thought you would.  If it hasn’t been made illegal yet, there is a reason for it. It either isn’t all that bad, or its so unknown that you may literally be able to have a sex act named after you! That’s money, bitch! 

Secondly, be confident.  Nothing ruins potentially great sex more than insecurities.  Don’t think about that double cheese burger you had for lunch.  Don’t think about the last time you shaved your legs.  Don’t think about when your parents are coming to town.  Concentrate on your pleasure, their pleasure, and live in the moment.

And last for now, remember why you’re having sex with this person. You supposedly love this freak on a leash.