The truth is…
You have to pick your battles, or your entire life will be a war.
It dates back to the prehistoric times of the Caveman. The males approach to women doesn’t seem to have changed that much. The caveman knew how to sweep a woman off her feet — beat her over the head until she falls flat on her back.
I know that men were put on this earth to create chaos in a womans mind. I don’t understand it, but I’ve come to accept it — only because I have to. We’re lucky if they change their underwear let-alone change their strategies of attracting women. Here we are in the year 2012, and men still believe the best way to get a lady back to his cave is by messing with her head. The only thing that’s changed is that now women beat their own heads against the wall.
Like men weren’t confusing enough, Mr. Alexander Graham Bell had to go and put hot sauce on a jalapeno and invent the telephone. Which leads me to the topic of my post and the burning question, will he call?
This should be a very simple question to answer. If he says he will call, then yes, he will. But that wouldn’t get us to beat our heads against the wall, now would it? So, they’ve made it into an impossible guessing game because every case is different.
Classmate Example A:
Run into classmate at a bar:
“Hey, can I have your number? We should catch a movie tomorrow night.”
“Sure, that sounds great.”
He doesn’t call. I bet he was really tired from staying out late last night.
I see him again in class and he continues to talk to me, but for embarrassments sake I do not ask why he bailed the other night. After all, it wasn’t set in stone and I don’t want to seem like a clinger. and then:
“What are you doing later tonight? Lets get together, I’ll hit you up.”
“Okay, I’m down.”
Is my phone on silent? I bet his phone ran out of battery. Is my phone out of battery? He’s said he would be home, he should have a charger. Maybe he isn’t getting service. Am I getting service? I don’t even know if I like him. Why am I so worried about his call? I just don’t understand why he would initiate hanging out with me only to leave me hanging…alone. Just shut up. I need to just shut up.
The next time I’m walking out to my car, staring at the ground in a daze, only to look up and see him in his car waiting to talk to me.
“Hey, what class did you have today? What are you doing later? We should go to the beach or something.”
“Yeah, just let me know.”
Oh, no. I feel it. My brain is going into over-drive-over-analyze mode again.
I don’t think our phones can connect for some reason. I bet he found some other girl to go to the beach with. Why is he doing this to me? Do I deserve this? I bet this is karma for all those fake numbers I gave out. FML. Why does he act like he’s interested and then pretend to do something about it? I knew I shouldn’t have worn these jeans today. They make my ass look huge. What a fucking dickbrick. I hope he knows how to use his dick better than he knows how to use a phone. Fuck you and fuck Alexander Graham Bell.
That’s where Classmate Example A ends for now.
Random guy at a bar Example B:
Run into a friend at a bar who introduces me to Example B. We hit it off and have a great time. The night ends around 4 AM with a drunken, short, good night kiss.
“Can I get your number?”
“DLFKAJS;LF yes alajdfas;lij”
I know I said yes, but like I said– 4 AM – BAR– I’m lucky I remember the little that I do. Besides, that fuckers never going to call.
“I wanted to know if you’d like to come watch a movie at my house tonight?”
Well, the movie, ahem, went well. We share another kiss goodbye and I leave.
Why didn’t he mention calling me again? I am so stupid. I have no self control. He doesn’t want to buy the cow. Fucking bastard motherfucker.
Next morning text:
“Good morning, How are you?”
Texts me all day. WTF. The guy who never mentions calling is the one who calls. The one who goes out of his way to say he will call me is the one who doesn’t.
That just goes to show you how fucked up the male psyche is.
I really need end this post because I think my head is bleeding.
No, I can’t hear you now. But Call me, maybe?
This song is so catchy.
(2007) Sometimes, I wonder how stupid someone has to be before officially being declared retarded. But maybe it’s not stupidity, maybe it’s some other obnoxious mental condition. Why is it always the hated people that say it’s not important to have a good rapport with those you work with? I find it funny that a grown man can stoop so low as to talk trash about me to my friend. Are you that incredibly moronic and depressed about your life that you have to pick on an innocent girl? Apparently, yes. I’m sorry you’re jealous of the good relationships I have with our coworkers. I’m sorry you think I turned everyone against you, even though you clearly did that yourself. I’m sorry you’re going bald and had to marry your wife because you had already knocked her up.
When it comes to feelings, I like to keep mine private. When I get upset I tend to bottle it up and put it on the shelf. Which is quite fitting considering I usually have to drink a bottle before I let my guard down. People say that you feel better after you get things off your chest. But I just end up feeling vulnerable. And there is nothing I hate more than that overwhelming feeling of vulnerability. It makes me feel weak.
But that’s just me. Other people are happy to advertise their heartache and failures to anybody that will listen. I read statuses on facebook all the time that make me go “WTF? Somebody needs a diary”. Does anybody know why it is called a diary? I’ll tell you why; It is because it was invented to prevent diarrhea of the mouth. It’s purpose is to help those with uncontrollable, pathetic feelings pouring out their pie-holes, stinking of desperation and the need for attention.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind being a shoulder to cry on. But not when you cry about everything. I hope you can use your frequent crier miles towards a one way ticket out of my face.
The truth is, when you cry about everything, your tears mean nothing. That may sound like a mean thing to say, which is why I said it. Well, that and I speak the truth.
You’ve just become the girl who cried wolf; but without the wolf. So, you’re just the girl who cried. Over and over again. Until one day everyone stopped caring.
Let me guess, you’re going to cry, aren’t you?
This is going to be a short, spontaneous, i-really-want-to-punch-something-right-now, kind of post.
So, here I am visiting a few other blogs from various hosting sites and for the most part it’s not an issue to comment on blogspot with a wordpress ID. But recently, it’s been an hellacious experience. Every time I try to respond to a post I get one of those irritating ‘Prove that you are not a Robot by entering the image below.” When they first started using this tactic to filter out unwanted visitors it wasn’t so bad. But now it seems like these images are damn near impossible to read! On the umpteenth attempt to get this dang letter/number combination, nonsense correct I am getting very close to my boiling point!
What I see is: estisb alleg.
or is it: estisib aueg.
Well, the human race will never know because it only gives you one chance to get it right before changing it to some other neanderthal, top secret, classified rubbish.
My eye sight is fine. Your image is fucked. How about I stab you in the face to prove I am not a Robot?
The truth is, there is a problem when I waste even 5 minutes of my day trying to prove to a computer that I am a human.
It’s almost Valentines Day otherwise known as Single-people-can-go-fuck-themselves-because-obviously-nobody-else-wants-to Day. Clearly, it’s one of my favorite holidays of the year. Between the flowers, candy, and other overpriced bullshit, I can hardly contain myself. If you can smell sarcasm it’s because I’ve been soaking in it. And it’s not that I’m a lonely old, bag lady. I’m not jaded. I absolutely believe in love. I have a heart, even if it is cold.
I just feel that love is misunderstood. I want to slap people all day because of the mindless, dim-witted, dickshit decisions they make. And then they want to blame their desperate acts of retardation and rejection on being blinded by love. Your girlfriend was impregnated by your best friend. I think it’s safe to say she doesn’t love you, or even like you. And it’s probably because you’re a low-self esteem, doormat, who can’t say no. Take a bitch’s advice and hop off that hoe train. Unfortunately, my advice won’t be taken and they will continue their long, tragic, on and off again, mind torture they call a relationship. I hope you really enjoy that mess of a broad and banging the cold, worn out cavern gaping between her forever spread legs. And don’t worry, the clap is totally curable.
If that’s what love is, I don’t want any.
Of course, there are some decent couples out there. They actually make me sicker than the doormat folk. But it’s only because life isn’t fair. Some of us have to wait to find love. Wait, and wait, and wait, and fucking wait. But that’s okay, I spend my waiting time being fabulously single, enjoying my freedom to bitch at anybody who crosses my path. Because while love can be great and all, with love and relationships come rules. And bitches don’t like rules, unless we are the ones enforcing them.
As soon as you commit to someone things naturally progress into owning one another. A Marriage Certificate is just a fancy term for Bill of Sale. Congratulations on your wedding! You’ve just become property.
1. You spend all your time together. There’s only one person I can spend every second of my life with, and that’s me! And I can only handle that because I drink a lot.
2. They constantly want to know where you are, what you’re doing and who you are with. Well since you asked, I’m apparently on a short leash, waving goodbye to my freedom with the warden himself.
3. They think they can go through your phone. Bitch, touch my phone and we are finished. I’ve got way too much to hide.
4. You have to pretend to like what they like. Golf? I can’t even fake it.
5. They get comfortable with you. Comfortable is so unattractive. Sweat pants? Burping? Pooping? Absolutely not. That’s why I always look out for others and try to make them as uncomfortable as possible.
6. You have to buy them stuff. If I have to buy you a gift to reciprocate you buying me a gift then that counteracts the thoughtfulness of you buying me a gift because we might as well just buy our own shit. So keep the gifts coming but I won’t be buying you anything because that way what you bought me will mean more. You don’t have to understand it. Trust me, I’m right.
So, somebody should call the Nobel Prize people because I just disproved the theory that Love is Blind. It’s not blind, it’s stupid. It’s all heart and no brain. But there is no denying that it’s out there. Just waiting to get you in its grasp so it can eat your mind and soul. Happy Valentines Day Bitches!
Then again, maybe love is blind, because it obviously hasn’t seen how incredibly fantastic I am. All I know is I plan to spend this Valentines Day following my heart and spending it with the person who brings the most satisfaction to my life. My bartender.
Love can’t be controlled. You can’t live with it, you can’t live without it. It’s unstoppable. Love is your boss. And your boss is a BITCH. ya dig?